Inside 43215: Downtown Draw
Dear Mr. Claus:
Per our earlier negotiations, this year’s holiday “get-list” has been edited to include only five items. In the event that your elves are unable to manufacture the products, you will also find retail-buying information next to each entry.
1. Colored Pencil Bracelet
Saw it, need it: chunks of colored pencil strung together for festive wrist wear. Found at The Library Store inside the Main Library. (It also sells tiny velvet bags of polished rocks for your naughty-listers.)
2. A Blue Jackets Puck
Then you’ll be the guy who “gives a puck.” It matches my shirt and the bumper stickers and the tickets. Sold at The Blue Line at the Southeast side of Nationwide Arena.
3. Any Brushkin Ornament
These are insanely cute spiky animals formed from the fiber of the Buri Palm tree – seeds, nuts, fiber and not a trace of lead. Found at Franklin Park Conservatory, 1777 E. Broad St.
4. Doorknob Bottle Stopper
Quite practical, really. It allows for a better grip on the bottle. Found at The Columbus Museum of Art, 480 E. Broad St.
5. Pin Art
So I can make a relief sculpture of my face, repetitively and compulsively. It’s a take-home version of the big wall of pins at COSI, and it’s available through COSI on Broad St.
Although my Jewish friends start celebrating today, delivery on this order is due December 25. My lawyer and probation officer will send affidavits regarding good behavior.
Cordially,
Me
