Right Now Downtown

BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST 2007

As the year rolls to an end, it’s time to celebrate the Downtown’s best and brightest for 2007…

MOST MAFIA MAYORAL MOMENT
“You owe me 95 dollars and your life…”  Mayor Coleman spoke these words to The Other Paper’s Dan Williamson during an interview in which Williamson complained about a costly ticket earned at Fourth Street’s red light camera.

BEST WAY TO SHORT OUT YOUR AUDI’S GPS
Flowers on Orchard Lane moved from its Orchard Lane location to 139 E. Main St.

BEST NEWS FOR DOWNTOWN DEVELOPERS
Unleaded averages over three dollars per gallon; do you really want a house in the burbs?

MOST FERTILE DOWNTOWN BUSINESS
In 2007, Jeni’s Ice Cream opened another location in the Short North and announced plans for a Bexley Gateway stop AND produced an actual human heir.

BEST RECYCLED CAR ART
Making art out of license plates and hubcaps is old hat.  Take the old Byers Chevrolet Building and install an art college – that’s an accomplishment.

MINE’S BIGGER
The corned beef sandwiches at Danny’s Deli (37 W. Broad St.) are still bigger than anything else in Columbus.

BEST REASON TO EAT POTATO SALAD
Newcomer Deli in the Alley (72 E. Lynn) has a Baked Potato Salad that’s actually worth eating.

BEST REASON TO ROT YOUR TEETH
You know the Pabst Blue Ribbon wallscape – the one with the dude baring a horrific Pabst grill?  Due to the positive response, the brewer is taking the ad campaign national.

BEST WAY TO IMPRESS THE JUDGE
Ridicule the courthouse.  The Second Annual DRACie Awards used the phrase “Eastern Block Revival” to describe the architectural style for the next Franklin County Courthouse.

RAUNCHIEST UNINTENDED PUN
Same DRACies, lauding the Gay Street conversion: “All the fun is coming downtown.”

MOST MASSIVE TRAFFIC JAM
Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar proved that he really knows how to achieve.  His November workshop at Nationwide Arena created a traffic jam of unprecedented proportions.

Almost four decades ago, MaryAnn Pond began a beautiful family tradition.  She’d bundle up her four boys (Scott, Bobby, Steve and David) and treat them to a magical evening Downtown.  She recalls, “We’d have an early dinner at the most luxurious hotel, then walk around in the wonderful downtown lights.  Lazarus had animated display windows – each with a different them… it was divine.”

The evening always capped off at The Nutcracker Ballet.  It was something that her sons loved every year.  Those boys are now adults – in fact, two are military veterans.  The family still makes an annual trip to see The Nutcracker, now with another generation in tow.

As luck would have it, the Pond grandchildren include some females in the mix.  Little girls are a whole new game for MaryAnn Pond.  She notes, “The girls really can dress up, and they listen to the Nutcracker year-round… and they dance in ballet costumes.”

The boys didn’t do that?  “NO.”

The whole clan can at least agree on the best scene: it involves a battle with King Rat where the Nutcracker emerges victorious… or perhaps it’s the dance of the snowflake fairies.  With different choreography, dancers and props, the performance changes every year, but the Ponds will always be there.

What’s YOUR holiday tradition?

Dear Mr. Claus:

Per our earlier negotiations, this year’s holiday “get-list” has been edited to include only five items.  In the event that your elves are unable to manufacture the products, you will also find retail-buying information next to each entry.

1.  Colored Pencil Bracelet
Saw it, need it: chunks of colored pencil strung together for festive wrist wear.  Found at The Library Store inside the Main Library.  (It also sells tiny velvet bags of polished rocks for your naughty-listers.)

2.  A Blue Jackets Puck
Then you’ll be the guy who “gives a puck.”  It matches my shirt and the bumper stickers and the tickets.  Sold at The Blue Line at the Southeast side of Nationwide Arena.

3.  Any Brushkin Ornament
These are insanely cute spiky animals formed from the fiber of the Buri Palm tree – seeds, nuts, fiber and not a trace of lead.  Found at Franklin Park Conservatory, 1777 E. Broad St.

4.  Doorknob Bottle Stopper
Quite practical, really.  It allows for a better grip on the bottle.  Found at The Columbus Museum of Art, 480 E. Broad St.

5.  Pin Art
So I can make a relief sculpture of my face, repetitively and compulsively.  It’s a take-home version of the big wall of pins at COSI, and it’s available through COSI on Broad St.

Although my Jewish friends start celebrating today, delivery on this order is due December 25.  My lawyer and probation officer will send affidavits regarding good behavior.

Cordially,
Me